i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
