Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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