I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
