Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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