No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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