New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
