I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
