I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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