the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
NoShamevember. You game?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
