Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
