He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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