When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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