just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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