Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
