She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
