i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
