Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
