I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
