You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
