I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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