She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
