my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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