I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
