Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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