barbara walters just said penis...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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