so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
