So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
