Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
