For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
