everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
