White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize