So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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