Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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