It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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