I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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