he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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