I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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