I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
