New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
