So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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