Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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