The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
