Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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