so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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