If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
