I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
