YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
