she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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