apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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