I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
