gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
