Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Non-Jews are for practice
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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