did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
