he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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