What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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