new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
