Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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