Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
