It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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