So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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