i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
