and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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