There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
