Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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