Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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