i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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