I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
