You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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