My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
