She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
this will be a night to untag.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
