found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
