this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
