btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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