Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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