Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
