If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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