Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
