Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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