I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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