I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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